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The Skinny: What is it? A book. Oh great, another waiter/writer with a "please listen to me...somebody" story. No. That it is not.

This book is designed for your apron. In fact, I hope it never leaves your apron (except to wash it... once a year). Don't read it at home. Play video games, cook your girlfriend dinner, do whatever it takes to make you forget about work when you're not there. I want you to read this book at work.

You've just been triple sat. This would not be a good time to read Clam Chowder. But you know the time just before all three orders come out and you're betting the bartender you can do more shots of Tabasco than she can? This is the time to whip it out. I mean, the book.

It will make you laugh. I promise. It doesn't have to be read in order. Every page is an oasis all its own. A champagne supernova, a wonderwall, a sigh of relief as the frustration slowly disappears.

It could improve your social standing and your sex life, but you'll have to read it to gain that insight.

Throughout the book are tips for all waitstaff. I call them fast food boxes. Isn't that funny? I am a witty one. They are tips I gained from my many years of service. Tips such as: If your uniform is wrinkled and you don't have time to iron it, hang it by the dishmachine for a few minutes. The steam from the machine will help smooth it out. If it's been sitting on the floor of your car for 8 months, it might not help much, but give it a shot.

And we thank you for your support.